Asking for help when overwhelmed by fear

 Recently, I went on a weeklong art retreat in Central Mexico, at a delightful artist commune called San Miguel de Allende.

But leading up to it, I felt very overwhelmed. International travel requires extra logistics, and the month preceding it was full of book promotional activities along with other personal stressors. 

When I opened the retreat itinerary and art materials list to start preparing, I shut down. It’s more “newness”--AKA more change--than my nervous system could handle. I was teetering into the overload territory of a dorsal collapse.

I let things be for a few days before re-engaging to figure out what to do. I needed to return to feeling safe and connected to ask for help.

I used the frustration to motivate me into action. I asked the retreat lead what the minimum materials I needed were (it was a long list that, unfortunately, I missed the deadline for pre-ordering from her). 

Then I asked my beloved husband, Matt, to take me shopping. This involved trips to both Michael’s and Blick Art supplies. In case you’ve never shopped in either of these stores, let’s just say this was a VERY kind thing for him to do. 😉

I got the bare minimum of supplies.

Then I started tackling the overwhelm I felt about the itinerary. There wasn’t a whole lot of free time, meaning I wasn’t going to get in the movement that I need daily—swim, yoga, walk. These activities support my nervous system and overall health.

Again, the retreat lead helped me determine where I’d be able to do that—rooftop yoga in the sunshine sounds pretty good!

And then I reflected on why I’d booked this trip. Central Mexico and San Miguel de Allende, an artist colony, are places I’ve wanted to explore. I want to feel what living in a vibrant culture that honors artists and creativity would be like. 

I climbed my way out of the overwhelm with help. I asked for help from others, and I supported myself in returning to regulated and connected. Dorsal shut down (freeze and fawn) has been my default fear response for most of my life. It's the oldest part of our survival brain, and for me, it's the most challenging to change behaviorally. It's a win to climb out of it more quickly 🎉

I see this type of shut down behavior often during organizational change. People who are so frozen by overwhelm and fear they cannot take action without clear direct instructions. Change leaders need to learn how to provide compassionate support to nudge people forward in these moments, slowly. Teaching others the actions they can take for themselves, and reminding them where to get support (often a resource different than a direct supervisor during change such as a peer or system power user).

I know my fear is just trying to protect me when I feel overwhelmed. It feels more doable and joyful to give myself the time I need at the pace my nervous system can handle to climb myself out of it. Learning to do that is the best way to build a habit for the next time I feel that way.